Hard Truths About Happiness No One Wants to Admit
Some people appear to be happy-go-lucky on the outside, but they
struggle desperately behind closed doors and never give the matter much thought
as to why. They distract themselves with TV, or social media, or whatever
it takes to drown out the pain and the truth about their unhappiness. Other
people make lavish, life-long plans based on what they have been told “should”
make them happy: “I’m going to marry the perfect man/woman, we’re going to buy
our dream house and a couple cars, and we’re going to raise our children in the
suburbs.” But then they wake up ten years into their plan feeling unfulfilled
and depressed. Can you relate at all? I certainly can. Many of us
suffer in similar ways. As long as we’re busy doing whatever it is that
distracts us from the truth – the whole truth about our happiness and ourselves
– we go through life like stones tumbling aimlessly down a mountainside.
We bounce and react impulsively to the surrounding environment, and we blunder
onward with no clear idea as to where we’re headed or why.We awake every
morning wishing we could sleep in. Then we begin each day’s work with the
foremost intention to stop working as soon as feasibly possible. Our
minds grow numb to the monotony of a comfortable yet draining routine.
And somewhere along the line, as each day fades into the next, we get our house
(sometimes a really big one) and cars (sometimes really fancy ones), and we
start a family under pressure… and we never stop to question it all until we
feel empty inside, often a decade or two later… as our smiles continue to
betray the sadness that we refuse to speak of, and perhaps don’t even fully
know we carry. This is how many of us live our lives – in a state of
denial. We deny the truth about how unhappy we are. We deny the
truth about how distracted we are. We deny the truth about how little
time and effort we put into the things that matter most to us. And so it
goes. But the good news is, we can change. All of us can.
Right here, right now, we can start by admitting that…
1. We often choose to focus on the wrong things –
the things that do NOT make us happy. – Here’s a universal law of happiness and success: What you pay
attention to grows! So focus on what truly matters, let go of what does
not, and feel the genuine, positive power that flows from your decision to rise
above all the drama and petty distractions.
2. Most of us don’t need more to be happier – we
need less. – When things aren’t
adding up in your life, start subtracting. Life gets a lot simpler and
more enjoyable when you clear the clutter (emotional and physical) that makes
it unreasonably complicated.
3. Our expectations tend to get in the way of
otherwise good days. – On a daily basis,
wouldn’t you rather be pleasantly surprised than hopelessly disappointed?
You can be. A big part of your immediate contentment relies on your
willingness to let go of what you assumed your life is supposed to be like
right now and openly appreciate it for everything that it is.
4. Most of what worries us today has absolutely
nothing to do with today.
– If you worry too much about what might be or what might have been, you will
ignore and totally miss what is. Worry is the greatest opposition to the
present moment. It does nothing but steal your joy and keep you
incredibly busy doing absolutely nothing worthwhile at all.
5. Old wounds have nothing to do with the present
potential for happiness.
– Do your best to let GO! And remember, letting go isn’t about having the
ability to forget the past – it’s about having the wisdom and strength to
embrace the present. You have a choice, to be positive and free or to be
imprisoned by your own negativity – to live in the past or to be mindful about
the present.
6. It isn’t what happens, but how we respond that
makes us or breaks us.
– Being happy and positive does not mean ignoring the negative – being happy
and positive means overcoming the negative. There is a big difference
between the two. Truly, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will
ever have to overcome is your mind. If you can overcome that, you can
overcome anything.
7. The draw of short-term comfort often robs us
of long-term happiness.
– Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might
happen; if you do, nothing good will ever happen. You can be comfortable
or courageous, but rarely both at once. Remember this… remember to
stretch yourself in the right direction, one tiny step at a time. Don’t
let fear and complacency decide your fate. Quit talking about what you
want to do and begin doing it. Laziness may appear attractive, but
meaningful work leads to happiness.
8. There are friends and family members in our
lives who bring us down.
– Although happiness comes from within, it’s never in your best interests to
share lots of time with people who constantly bring you down (even if they’re a
friend or family member). Because, if you’re the kind of person who
believes there’s something out there for you beyond whatever it is you’re
expected to do – if you want to be extraordinary – you can’t get there by
shackling yourself to those who hold you back. Instead, you will very
likely become just as ordinary as they expect you to be. And there’s
absolutely no reason to do that to yourself.
9. Closing Thoughts
10.
At the very least, I
hope this short post reminds you to pause and ask yourself…
11.
“Am I making
meaningful use of this scarce and precious day?”
12.
That’s a simple
question Micky and I challenge our
course students and live seminar attendees to ask themselves anytime they feel
unhappiness washing over them.
13.
Unhappiness is very
often a sign that we’re too busy doing the wrong things. And make no
mistake about it, this kind of busyness is a widespread, modern-day sickness!
14.
We fill our calendars
and our social media feeds with all kinds of busyness, oftentimes just to avoid
being still… to avoid being exactly who we are, exactly where we are. The
instant we feel a bit idle, we run off in the direction of the nearest shiny
object that catches our attention. And in the process, we not only miss
out on the serenity and beauty that exists within ourselves, but we also miss
out on experiencing that same serenity and beauty in the environment around
us. Our busyness has blinded us with “hurry” and “worry,” and the endless
need to be somewhere else, doing something else, as fast as possible.
15.
And that’s the real
tragedy of it: we confuse being busy with being effective. We feel a day
late and a buck short across the board, because our daily efforts are
completely misaligned with our priorities.
16.
So unhappiness
festers.
17.
But it doesn’t have
to. Not anymore.
18.
Right now, we can slow
down and face the truth.
19.
Together.
20.
Your
turn…
21.
Which of the points
mentioned above do you sometimes struggle with? How have you coped?
What other truths have you learned and accepted that have helped you find
happiness?
No comments:
Post a Comment